No baby this time...

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I'm disappointed. More so than I thought I would be. I guess cause I had been off my pills a while and being 20 I was a little too confident that it would be a breeze and it would happen right away. But then the reasonable, non-baby hungry side of me realizes that this only happens for a small percentage of people and that there is nothing to worry about right now. Of course when you want to get pregnant the days do seem to creep by uncommonly slow. But I think I need to try to keep my mind on other things (ha, hardly seeing as I'm going for a doula training next month!) and let God decide when we are to become parents to a new little one. But then I want to throw that notion out the window and chart and research and plan everything just right so that darn egg meets sperm and it happens! Arg! And I can't really voice these frustrations to anyone other than my husband because I don't really want to openly say we are "trying". We're young, have a 3 year old, I'm starting school next year and everyone seems to know best except for us. So everyone except my in-laws are saying wait a year or two. We say, we don't want our children spaced far apart and we want to have then while we are really young because we are healthiest and it's what we feel would work best for us in the long run. Babies don't ever come at the perfect time. You are always going to be in the middle of something whether it be school or starting a business, in the middle of a recession, building you career, potty training a toddler just in time to change another three years of diapers. What have you, it will never be the right time. So we want it to happen at least while we are young enough to roll with the punches and enjoy our children with energy and youth. And here I am justifying my case on a blog no one will read but me. Someday I won't worry whether my family will accept my choices with out ridicule. Hopefully by the time we conceive our child I will have enough confidence I proudly announce our news and not dread the reaction. I have a lot of emotions to sort through and tasks I want to achieve between now a a positive result, mostly house organization and the a fore mentioned confidence. And I need to trust that God has control over our lives and we just need to cling to Him and each other and enjoy each day for it's own beauty. Hey, I might be getting somewhere.

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